It’s 12.15am on Saturday morning and I am trying to sleep. It should be easy, I’ve been tired for hours but I just can’t get comfortable.
I often find my anxiety is worse at night. It often kicks in just as I’m about to go to sleep.
Take now for example. It’s about 12.30am on Sunday morning and I spent most of Saturday wandering around in a fog of tiredness with the worst neck ache I’ve had for a long time . I’ve spent most of the day counting down the minutes to bed time. Sleep should be easy but it won’t be.
The second I crawled under the duvet my brain started buzzing with anxious thoughts about all sorts of things like what I’m going to post on here this week, the videos I need to edit and the fact I haven’t done any writing for a while.
Then of course I got anxious about the fact that I’m too anxious to sleep.
I am writing this post at lunchtime on Friday and I am so tired I could cry. It sounds petty I know. I also know that Friday’s are usually for Fun Fact Friday posts but this one feels more important today.
The thing is, I’ve been trying really, really hard not to go back to sleep pretty much since I woke up, but I think I may have to admit defeat and just nap.
As you probably know by now, I nap a lot these days, and I feel very, very guilty about it. I don’t want to have a snooze but I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate of anything else until I do. Pretty much the only thoughts going around my mind now are: sleep, and Nic, you have really bad backache right now, you know you like to lay down and stretch out when you have backache.
It’s almost 2AM and, like the Faithless song says, I can’t get no sleep. It has nothing to do with insomnia in my case though, but has just about everything to do with an achy back and neck that has been bothering for most of the day.
It’s not all bad though. At least the headache that came along with it on and off since I woke up seems to have gone away and I’ve been able to sort out a couple of blog posts and edit a video before I crawled into bed. I know, I know, being on the laptop writing this is hardly going to help matters, but it’s helping me feel less frustrated about the fact I can’t seem to nod off.
Today has been an odd one, well so far anyway. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am most definitely not a morning person. I used to be, in fact, I think I was a pretty much any kind of day person. I hardly slept.
This morning was a totally different story. I woke up feeling unrested and with a cold that’s only in the early stages of its onset. I hope it stays that way. When I went downstairs only to be informed by my sister that it was snowing, my mood didn’t improve.
I’d originally planned a trip out with a friend today, funnily enough to pick up my new blue badge that will allow me to use disabled parking spaces, but after much deliberation and watching the snow stop and start all morning, we decided not to risk it.