So. Many. Things

I miss this blog. I miss you guys. I miss the days when I updated three times a week. I miss the days when when uploading to my YouTube channel was a weekly thing at least, but there’s just so much going on right now. So many things. I haven’t even had chance to read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child yet!

Annnywaaay, the main bulk of it can be explained I guess by watching this video that I made, which I may or  may not have shared on here, I don’t even remember any more TBH. But yeah, this will probably explain a lot:

 

Work on this project is still ongoing and probably will be for ages. It’s taking up most of my brain power, and what little I have left is spent reading the huge pile of library books that only seems to be growing as more and more of my reservations turn up, and binge-watching Gilmore Girls. Hopefully I’ll be back more regularly soon, but for now, I hope you’ll stick with me.

In terms of how I’m doing Cerebral Palsy wise, I’ll update you all soon, probably by doing a video so that I can keep everyone on YouTube and this blog updated at once. Things have been a bit up and down, I guess. That’s all I’ll say for now. My back is not exactly my best friend at the moment, but some good things have come out of having to deal with a lot of back pain too.  I’ll explain what I mean soon, or hopefully before too long anyway.

I hope you guys are doing okay.

Thanks for being patient

Nic xx

The wind around my knees

If you’ve ever watched this video I made about learning to love my body a little while ago, then you’ll remember that I really hate showing my legs, in public and at home, if I’m being honest.

During last year’s heatwave, (which probably lasted about three days to be fair), I did leave the house in shorts without tights, but I don’t mind admitting that I stood in front of my wardrobe and cried beforehand because I was so nervous about it.

Fast-forward to 2016 and this year’s heatwave (which has been going on for a week so far!) is even hotter last year and I decided that I was going to wear my denim shorts and try not feel bad about it.

I was so surprised when I actually managed not to get so anxious that I cried (yes!). but what surprised me most of all was that I loved the feeling of the breeze about my knees. It was so refreshing and so strange because I’m just not used to it at all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not been so nice that I want to do it all the time, but still.

This is going to sound really stupid but I’m proud of myself.

Maybe I don’t need to be so scared of not wearing tights?

 

Being Brutally Honest

It’s time for me to write one of those brutally honest posts that I hate so much because there’s no way for me to do them without sounding self-pitying and ungrateful,but sometimes it just needs to be done.

I have lost count of how many bad cerebral palsy days I’m currently having in a row. It feels like I’m always in pain. Sitting down hurts, standing up hurts, moving too much hurts, not moving enough hurts; you get the point.

I am so, so tired, physically and mentally if I’m being honest. If I tell people that I’m having a bad CP day, I think they know that means I’m sore, but they might not know that focusing on anything is hard. I just want to stay in bed and rest, but, like I said, resting too much makes things worse.

My to do list is getting higher and higher and that’s not helping, but I’m rying to only do the things that I actually need to do each day, rather than pushing myself to be super productive. You all know how much I thrive on being productive though.

To be honest, I think I’m feel better if I could cry. I’m a fir believer that sometimes bawling your eyes out for ten minutes can be best medicine, but you can’t force these things.

So, yeah, that’s where I am right now. I hope you’re all keeping well.

VIDEO: Things that Scare Me (as a disabled person)

Hi guys,

I made a new video about things that I’m scared/nervous about doing because of my disability, cerebral palsy.

I hope you all understand what I was trying to say with this video. If you like this one, then why not go check out my YouTube channel?

Love,

Nic xx

My Love/Hate relationship with London

In case you can’t tell by the title of this post I have a very love/hate relationship with London.

I think I went for the first time about three years ago, and before that I’d tried to avoid it because the thought of being a physically disabled, not-very-fast-moving girl in such a big and busy city scared me. Oh, and the fact I have no sense of direction didn’t make me feel any better.

Fast forward three years, and I’ve just got back from my third visit there with my family. The thought of being a a physically disabled, not-very-fast-moving girl in such a big and busy city still scares me. I’ve only ever taken my wheelchair and not even tried to take my walking frame yet, but I know that if I ever decide that I want to brave it alone then I’ll have to because I can’t push myself in my self-propelling wheelchair very well.

Doing London in my wheelchair isn’t pleasant; not for me anyway. When I’m sat in it I tend to come up to people’s waists, and when all you can see around you at busy times is bodies everywhere that are far taller than you it can feel quite claustrophobic and makes me very nervous.

However, because I only ever go to London for holidays, I think about all the fun things that I do in London and all the places that I like to go when I’m there like Southbank and Soho and I think ‘yes I like it here’. Until, that is, I either have to find my way back to where I’m staying or to the next place I need to go and the cycle starts again.

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the guts to do London alone, but I do know that I don’t  feel ready just yet, and I think that’s okay for now.

 

 

 

 

Cerebral Palsy and Life Update May 2016

I know I posted a cerebral palsy update on my YouTube channel about a week ago, but a lot of CP-related stuff has happened since then, so I thought I’d do an update here, with some other stuff from my general life thrown in too.

Let’s start with the CP stuff:

So, I had my Botox appointment earlier this week, I think I had two injections in each leg this time. There’s not much else to say about that really. It was fine. It always is. I just have to make an extra effort to do my physio now.

Some of you might know that my mystery hip pain has been niggling at me over the last couple of weeks because I tripped over, yet again. Well, my family helped me do some of the stretches that I can do for myself and it seems to have gone again. I didn’t need to ask for more acupuncture, which is a good sign, I guess…

Anyway, moving on to general life stuff. Things are getting busy in this department:

  • I’ve got some more freelance social media work, yay!
  • Writing is still happening. Slowly. But it is happening!
  • I have two trips coming up, one with my family, one with Rob. My family and I are going to London to see some of our other family members. Rob and I are going to Scarborough for our anniversary. We won’t be going to the beach though. He hates water and I hate sand so avoiding the beach will probably be our top priority.

Well, that’s everything that’s going on with me, what about you?