A self-enforced rest day

So today I’m doing something that I probably would never have done two years ago and am taking a self-enforced rest day. Spoiler alert: I have not been enjoying it. I feel like this is something I should enjoy. What am I doing wrong?

As much as I’m annoyed at myself for not enjoying something that I know most people would think I’m privileged to be able to have the time to do, but I am proud of myself for letting go of my stubborn streak for a bit.

Basically, I’ve been doing a lot more physical activity lately, probably levels of the stuff that I haven’t done since uni. It’s making me feel better about myself but I’ll admit that I could tell I was close to burning out. I have commitments coming up over the next few days so I thought I’d rest up today while I had the chance.

Maybe I’m starting to learn to listen to body? I won’t hold my breath but I did the right thing today.

Acupuncture Update 03/03/17

Howdy guys!

Something pretty amazing has happened…

I actually discharged myself from acupuncture! I don’t think I’ve ever reached a point where I’ve been ready to end some treatment purely of my own choosing (with anything relating to my cerebral palsy) before.

Man, it feels so good to be able to say that. I’m pretty convinced my acupuncturist is amazing to be honest. She warned me right at the start of this second block of appointments that I might not notice a dramatic change in my pain levels so quickly this time because it wasn’t as bad as it had been the first time I came to see her.

Some of you might remember that I’ve been having a second round acupuncture appointments for that thing that I not-so-lovingly call my Mystery Hip Pain. Acupuncture has been the only thing to ever make it go away, which doesn’t seem like an east feat to me (with my zero amount of medical training) given that no one knows why I have it in the first place.

A couple of appointments later when I told her I was worried that it wasn’t realy havng a impact of me at all, she changed her approach a bit and stuck even more needles into me, and lo and behold, the MHP was practically gone a couple of weeks later, and bothered me so little that I told her I felt like it was probably as good as I could get. And bless her, she kept my referral open for a month or so in case I changed mind. Well, that month has past now and I still don’t feel like I need to go back.

Yep, she must be magic.



Acupuncture update 19/1/17

I had another acupuncture appointment today. I remember being so excited when my referral letter came through the post because I knew how much the treatment had helped my mystery hip pain in the past.

At my first appointment, my acupuncturist did warm me that I might not notice such dramatic effects this time because my pain had been nowhere near as bad as before.

I have to say that she was right. I noticed a slight difference between my first session and my second, but hardly any at all between last week’s and today’s.

I mentioned this to her and she decided to try using more needles, but so far, I’m still not noticing a difference. Maybe I will in a few days…



Life feels a little better when…

  • My cat is on my bed or my lap
  • My dog asks for a cuddle (it depends what mood she’s in.)
  • I have a cup of tea in my hand
  • I actually make the effort to put on make up
  • My boyfriend stays over
  • I’m in the middle of a really good book
  • I finally get the last answer on a crossword
  • I know there’s chocolate in the house
  • I have a warm wheatbag on my back

What are the little things that make you feel better on a bad day?

My main pain issues January 2017

As you probably know by now, my cerebral palsy means that there is not a day in my life that is totally pain free. I don’t mind this. Most of the time it’s a constant level that is my ‘normal.’ When my pain is at this level, I find it manageable and it doesn’t stop me doing anything. It’s kind of like having the radio on in the background at the office. You know it’s there, but you kind of zone in and out depending how focused you are on your work.

The problem is that when a pain starts to bother me more than I would like, the things I do to combat it and make it manageable can sometimes cause other recurring aches and pains to spring up or intensify. Imagine you’re playing a game of Whack-a-Mole, only the moles are various pain issues and the machine itself is your body.

I’m kind of caught in one of these situations at the moment. The top of my back has been hurting again, so I’ve been laying on my front with a hot wheat bag on my back to stretch it out. It really helps, which is all well and good, but because it really helps I’ve been doing it a lot. This might sound like a good thing, and I suppose in a way it is. except that I’ve done in so much that I’ve over-stretched some of the muscles in my chest – again.

So now I have an aching back and an aching chest. Laying on my front  helps the back pain still, but aggravates the sore chest muscles – as does wearing a bra, but that’s a whole other thing.

I fall into this trap quite a lot. I think I’ve posted about it before even. The problem is that I have no idea how to get out of it now that I’m in it, or how to stop myself getting stuck in it. Do you know what I mean?

The challenge has been set

Well guys, there’s no denying that my updates on this blog have been very sporadic over the last two years or so. I met up with some friends last night. and we got chatting about the stuff I get up to online, when one friend, let’s call her L (hi if you’re reading this, by the way), commented on when I have and hadn’t been posting. Basically the whole conversation ended with me saying that I really do need to update more, and that I would do it every day for a week in an effort to kick-start my plan.

So, here we have it. I’m going to post every day on this blog for the next seven days, but not everything will be cerebral palsy-related. Some of you might think this is a great idea and some of you might get sick of me popping up in your various social media feeds, but I’m going to do it. You have been warned.

I have an acupuncture appointment later this week that I’ll be able to update you on, and at least one video that I need to get edited and put onto YouTube that I can share here too. If there’s anything you’d like me to write about then let me know.

See you tomorrow,

Nic x



Trying not to think too big

Hello everyone and happy New Year. I hope your 2017 has got off to a great start and continues to be good to you.

Even though it has been fun, I am quite glad that all of the festivities are over. Christmas was busy, New Year was busy. My birthday was busy. Life has been busy. But now things can finally get back to normal, which all sounds great, except that I don’t really know what my normal was/is in the first place.

This time of year is hard for me. Everywhere I turn there are people talking about all the great things that they’ve achieved in year gone by, and what they’re hoping to achieve in the one ahead, and how they’re going to get there, and that’s great. Go all of you. I wish you luck.

Yet, it’s impossible to deny that my life has stalled since I graduated university back in 2012. The career I wanted, and still want to have, hasn’t taken off in the way that I would’ve liked which has lead to me still living at home, and that is not where I thought I’d be by the time I turned 26. I have yet to actually manage to get any of my writing published. I do feel like I’m making progress in all of these things though so that’s something. However, this year I have decided that I am not going to set myself any big goals because all that has done in the past is make me miserable and stressed. This year I want to be all about smaller goals, like, maybe not getting my novel draft to an agent, but to get a couple of short stories or poems to a point where I think they might be good enough to send off to competitions. I want to be able to writer shorter to-do lists, rather than making them overly long on purpose because I have a tendency to feel worthless if I’m not being productive enough.

Although last year was a pretty good one for me, it was a bad one for my mental health. I had a couple of massive slumps, and am currently still in one of I’m honest about it. I’m back in CBT therapy and that’s okay.  2017 may not be the year that my career takes off, writing or otherwise, but I would like it to be the year I start to stop thinking so big, and start to allow myself to feel better.

I hope you have a good one,

Nic xx