I have been writing View From a Walking Frame for over a year and a half now and sharing things about my life with cerebral palsy.
However, I also have other things that have been going on, some of them since childhood, and today I want to tell you about those, and this means that I want to be honest with all of you and tell you that, for the last year I have been taking antidepressants to help me deal with anxiety, low mood, and other things such as feeling the need to wash my hands all the time.
For me, my constant worrying and feeling anxious started when I was about eight or nine I think, and before long they were stopping me sleeping at night and crept their way into other parts of my life too.
I worried that I would be sick if I ate too much food, and also worried that I would make myself ill from contamination of germs and quickly became afraid of touching things, including the walls inside my own house. If I did touch them, I went and washed my hands a few times.
I had counseling and CBT for these kinds of issues and-and-off since I was about 12 and the reason I’ve finally decided that I want to tell you all about them today is because I don’t want to hide it anymore. I don’t want to feel like it’s something to be kept secret, and, I hope that by being honest with all of you, it might help someone feel less alone if they are going through the same thing.
The reason that I’ve picked today to open up is because this week has been a really difficult one for me, and the months of Feburary and March are always difficult times for me. Getting out of bed and being around other people has been very hard this week because my mood has been so low, and my friends and my family have been amazing in helping me through it.
I haven’t updated my blog in a week and that has been hard too. I’ve felt guilty about this. I love writing my blog and love talking to all of you. I’ve missed it and I’ve missed talking to you all, but after a break, I feel ready to come back, and it felt important that I shared this with all of you.
You are not alone.
I love you all,