Writing warm up

Today is the first day in a long time I’ve had a decent chunk to time to work on that pesky little work-in-progress novel I’ve been chipping away at for about…five years (maybe).  I should be doing  that, but I’m procrastinating, so I’m working on this post instead.

I actually opened the file long enough to delete the final two thirds of it a couple of weeks back. I’ve wanted to do that for a long, long time.  I was just putting it off because my first draft was complete, but then I realised there’s no point hanging onto a complete draft you don’t like it any more. That, and I like to think I could write it so much better if I start from scratch.

It’s such a big task that I’m actually a bit scared to start it, partly I guess because I don’t actually know where to start.

I’m fairly happy with the opening third (for now) so that’s staying as it is. I still know what I want it to end, I just want the rest of the the stuff in the middle to change.

If any of you have any motivation tips, or just want to keep nudging me to actually try and finish the thing so that I can maybe try and get it out into the world one day, I’d appreciate it.

 

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I miss writing

It’s 4am and I’m lying awake thinking about how much I miss writing. I have so many ideas but no creative energy left at the end of the day to act on them, leaving me with an uncomfortable blockage that right now feels impossible to shift. The only reason the words are coming out now is because I know there’s no chance of me getting back to sleep until they do.

This whole needing to manage my energy levels thing is new to me. People often assume that my cerebral palsy makes me tire easily, and while that’s true when I’m physically active, it’s not the case with my mental or creative energy.

Before I started working full time, I never really considered that a desk job would be physically demanding for me. I do after all, spend the entire day sitting at my desk typing. I guess I never really noticed how hard forcing my body to sit in one chair in one position for hours would be because, when I’m at home, I sprawl out, move around, and spend (probably too much) time lying flat on the floor.

My employers are great and let me work from home when I need to but I like to be in the office as much as possible, although I do ask for home days when I need them. I don’t like it, but I’m learning to accept it.

I feel like I’m having to fight against a lot more muscle spasms these days, and not just at Work, but at home and when I’m home too. At least, I think that’s what they are. My whole body feels wound too tightly and I can only take it for so long before I need to ‘spring’ and sitting still becomes almost impossible and too uncomfortable to bear.

This is new to me. Does it happen to any of you? If it does please let me know.

Anyway, I’ve just noticed that it’s turned light outside so I’d better try squeeze in some more sleep.

If you’re still reading This, thank you for giving me a reason to write and a space to clear my head a bit.

 

Love,

 

Nic x

November was indeed crazy!

Hey, remember how I wrote that blog post before November even started saying that it was going to be a crazy month, what with NaNoWriMo going and all my appointments and stuff? Well it turned out to be an even crazier month than I thought, what with NaNoWriMo going on, all my appointments, going to see one of my favouriate authors doing a talk, and my family re-homing a dog from some of our friends who couldn’t give her as much attention as they would have liked any more. Yup, you read that right Little Miss Turns-Into-A-Ball-of-Anxiety-Everytime-a-Dog-Even-Looks-At-Her now shares a home with a dog. And I love her. Well, I never.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? My first day of NaNo was awful, and it didn’t get any better. It took me about two days to get what I affectionately call ‘NaNo Neck’ this year. That is what I call it when my neck, back and shoulders all hate me for pending too much time hunched over my laptop, which happens every year sooner or later. My plot was virtually non-exsistant (and still is.) I had several days where I didn’t write anything, but I dragged myself over the finish line with a few hours to spare. Here’s a YouTube video I made about the whole thing, if you’re interested.

 

Needless to say the month was a tough one in terms of my cerebral palsy, what with all the extra pain and the cold (omg the cold) but I did have my botox and they’ve ordered me some new boots to go with my calipers, which I needed as my old ones were getting holes in. Oh, and everything went fine at the dentist, which is always nice. Apparently I don’t have to go for another nine months now instead of six months. Yippee!

So, let’s talk about the dog now. She’s a six year-old shi tuz called Tallulah and at first I was really, really nervous about getting her. I’ve never had a dog before, and don’t know a lot about them, and the ones that I have been around have generally been bouncy or yappy or too playful for me to handle, and then of course there is my whole ‘cats are clean dogs are dirty’ thing that my brain thinks for some reason.

There were a few teething problems so I kept things quiet about her online until we had them a bit more under control in case it turned out that we weren’t the right family for her and she wasn’t the right dog for us. Anyway, things have settled and we’re keeping her, although things still aren’t easy because the poor little thing is undergoing a phantom pregnancy (she’d just had her last season a month of two before we got her) and the poor thing is very sad and confused about why she doesn’t have puppies yet.

So, that was the hectic month that was Novemeber. Hopefully I’ll be back a little more regularly now. How are you guys?

November is getting crazy!

Yes, I am we’re still only in October (just) but November is already shaping up to be a pretty mental month here in Nicland.

I already have three appointments scheduled, two are CP-related and one isn’t.

I’ll be heading to the dentist for my regular check-up, which should hopefully only be one session, as well as going to the orthotics department to get news shoes fitted for my calipers, and having another round of Botox in my legs to help relax the muscles.

But that’s not all that I have going on.

November is also National Novel Writing Month, a project that challenges people all around the world to write 50,000 words in 30 days. That might not sound like a lot of work to some of you, but when you’re trying to balance that with everything else going on it your life, time can pass by without you even noticing.

If you want to know more about  how I get on, I’ll (hopefully) be doing weekly videos on my YouTube channel again. Either way, it will be nice to get some more positive content going up on this blog in the next few weeks.

Let the fun begin!

Life Update September 2016

Oh my gosh I’m not gonna lie, I actually have no idea where to start with this post. There has been so much going on lately. I think I’m just going to break everything down into sections, or as best as you can with a life update anyway, and hope that it makes sense.

Cerebral Palsy Stuff

This is the most obvious place for me to start, but it’s probably the hardest.

I’ve been having a pretty bad CP month to be honest. I tried to do what I said I was going to do in my last blog and exercise more to try make myself feel better. I feel like it made things worse and didn’t really help with my aches and pains. Things have been a bit better over the last couple of days even though I’m full of cold. I’m hoping I can take this as a good sign because being ill usually makes bad CP days seem even worse. I’ve decided that I’m not going to push things too hard until I’m better, and then I’ll just have to see what happens.

Writing Stuff

Writing and editing is still happening. Even though I’m working on a massive edit of one of my novel projects I’m still trying to write long form here and there too. The editing is taking up lots of time and energy, but hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

I’ve recently got into watching slam poetry videos on YouTube, and I’ve decided that it might be nice to try enter one myself next year. I’ve not written slam poetry before, but I’ve been practicing and I’m enjoying it. Hopefully, I’ll write something I like enough to post on YouTube soon.

YouTube Stuff

I haven’t uploaded on YT in a while, but I have been going back through my old videos and starting to add subtitles. It’s going to take ages, to get through them all, but I will do eventually.

I think that’s it for now, how’s everything with you guys?

I just couldn’t go any faster

Yesterday was weird. It was weird for so many reasons, but rather than go into all the reasons why here I’m just going to talk about it from a cerebral palsy point of view. And yes, I am aware that the idea of having a ‘weird’ CP day, (as opposed to, ya’know, a bad one), is a pretty weird thing in itself.

Annnnywaaay,

Long story short yesterday involved quite a bit more walking than I’ve probably had to do in a while. I don’t feel like I’ve done anywhere near enough of the stuff lately, which is a whole other blog post in itself.

In truth, it was nowhere the most walking I’ve done in a day, and it didn’t even make me that tired (score!) but at the end of the end I wanted to walk quickly to so that I could catch my bus without having to wait a whole hour for the next one.

Well, I tried to up my pace, but I just couldn’t.

I felt like I was doing all the right things to speed up, but my legs just would not go any faster no matter what I did. Now, don’t get me wrong, moving fast under any circumstances other than a spider landing on my head just doesn’t happen when you’re me. I know that I walk really slowly compared to the average able-bodied person, but I can push myself to go a bit beyond my natural pace when I want to.

Yes, I had done a lot of walking, but I hadn’t pushed myself that hard. I’d taken it slowly, on purpose. I felt tired in a way that I could do with a nap, but not in a my-legs-might-just-be-about to drop off way.

I’m not sure what was going on. Have any of you felt anything like this before? I don’t know if it’s because my fitness levels have dropped, or because my bag was really, really heavy. Maybe it’s just because I’m getting older. I just don’t know. I’m trying not to worry about this too much. If anything, I need to use it as motivation to get more exercise.

On a more light-hearted note, I made a video the other day at 5am when I couldn’t sleep. Some of you might enjoy it as it’s about writing, some of you might not. Either way, I’ll leave it here it case you want to watch it:

 

Thanks for listening,

Nic xx

 

So. Many. Things

I miss this blog. I miss you guys. I miss the days when I updated three times a week. I miss the days when when uploading to my YouTube channel was a weekly thing at least, but there’s just so much going on right now. So many things. I haven’t even had chance to read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child yet!

Annnywaaay, the main bulk of it can be explained I guess by watching this video that I made, which I may or  may not have shared on here, I don’t even remember any more TBH. But yeah, this will probably explain a lot:

 

Work on this project is still ongoing and probably will be for ages. It’s taking up most of my brain power, and what little I have left is spent reading the huge pile of library books that only seems to be growing as more and more of my reservations turn up, and binge-watching Gilmore Girls. Hopefully I’ll be back more regularly soon, but for now, I hope you’ll stick with me.

In terms of how I’m doing Cerebral Palsy wise, I’ll update you all soon, probably by doing a video so that I can keep everyone on YouTube and this blog updated at once. Things have been a bit up and down, I guess. That’s all I’ll say for now. My back is not exactly my best friend at the moment, but some good things have come out of having to deal with a lot of back pain too.  I’ll explain what I mean soon, or hopefully before too long anyway.

I hope you guys are doing okay.

Thanks for being patient

Nic xx