2019: A new year, a new job and a new wheelchair on the way

Hello everyone, and Happy New Year. I actually meant to write this post way before now, but those of you who’ve been reading this blog for a few years will know that New Year is a massive anxiety trigger for me, what the all the pressure to become a better person, achieve more, eat less chocolate, blah, blah, blah; so I decided to lie low on social media until all the fuss had died down.


Things have been pretty busy in Nicland over the last couple of weeks. My family and I made it through the festive season without any arguments, I finished in one role at work and started another, I officially got another year older (happy birthday to me) and I have a new wheelchair on order.

I’m not sure how long it will take for my new chair to actually arrive, but I’m already thinking of new names, and wheelchair services has give me new wheels and brakes on my current one to tide me over.

2018 was a busy one too, and in amongst it all I said goodbye to my walking frame Ivy and am now the proud owner of an identical one called Netta. It took me a long time to settle on a name for this one, but people at work helped me choose and now I’m pretty pleased with it. She moves so smoothly compared to Ivy, whose wheels were starting to hang by a thread, that I feel as though I have to practically jog to keep up with her.

In other news, I’ve also renewed the domain name and re-mapping on this blog too, so it looks as though I’m sticking around for a while longer yet!

My first week of 2018

Well the first week of 2018 was definitely eventful for me. I had my birthday, three freelance work deadlines, two full days of volunteering, and I even bothered to put my makeup on at least three times. And I managed to survive on that on less sleep than I would’ve like, and without getting so anxious that I turned into a puff of smoke.

I’m so proud of myself.  It might not sound like a big deal, but I haven’t been this busy in a long time, and I’d started to become afraid that I might not be able to handle it any more. Turns out I can. Cool.

Over the years I’ve learned the hard way that setting myself too many long-term goals at once isn’t great. I have a habit of turning them into sticks to beat myself with. As much as I’m working hard to not do that, but I find it’s better not to take chances. That said, I’m (so far) still feeling pretty positive about everything to I do have a couple of things I want to try achieve this year:

Make more content

Believe it or not, there was once time when I used to update this blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and my YouTube channel every Sunday, and I loved it. That was before my mental health took the biggest nose-dive it has ever taken and I could hardly bring myself to get out of bed, let alone do anything else.

I’m not sure if going to commit to that schedule again straightaway, but I’m hoping for at least two blog posts a week and two YouTube videos a month. We’ll see.

Complete a second draft of my YA eating disorders novel

I have way too many novels on the go. I think around three or four, but the one I’m furthest along with is a YA  novel about teenagers with eating disorders. I’ve even had feedback on it from an editor.

I say here that I want to finish a second draft, but I’ve actually redrafted the first third of it too many times to count. By the end of the year, I want to have actually re-drafted it all the way to the end so I can send it back to my editor.

Wish me luck!


A Positive Start

Well, it’s just past midnight on January 2nd. I am pleased, and actually quite amazed to say that I managed to survive New Year without dissolving into a ball of anxiety, depression and self-loathing like I have done almost every year since I graduated.

If anything, I’m more motivated than ever.

It’s also my birthday. 27 years ago today I shocked (and probably panicked) everyone by deciding that I wanted to take my place in the world 14 weeks ahead of schedule. I got cerebral palsy for my eagerness.

I wish I could say this level of punctuality has followed me into my adult life, but I’d be lying.

For the past few years I haven’t wanted to do anything special for my birthday.

I never really gave that much thought when I was a kid, but now I’m older it feels pretty darn weird. I think it always will now. I mean, why would/should/do I celebrate a day that was probably awful for my family?

This year though, I’ve had a bit of a change of heart. I survived. My mum survived. It was touch and go for a while, but we made it. My dad also managed to come through the whole ordeal too.

My parents were told I’d need speech therapy. I didn’t.

My parents were told I might not crawl. I did. Within two weeks of them being told that.

They were told I might only be able to ‘walk around a supermarket at best’. I think you all know how wrong that turned out to be.

Not only did we all survive, but we stuck two fingers up to every expectation along the way.

And we still do that last part. Every. Single. Day.

I think that’s pretty freaking amazing.

I’m off to celebrate. Who’s with me?

Trying not to think too big

Hello everyone and happy New Year. I hope your 2017 has got off to a great start and continues to be good to you.

Even though it has been fun, I am quite glad that all of the festivities are over. Christmas was busy, New Year was busy. My birthday was busy. Life has been busy. But now things can finally get back to normal, which all sounds great, except that I don’t really know what my normal was/is in the first place.

This time of year is hard for me. Everywhere I turn there are people talking about all the great things that they’ve achieved in year gone by, and what they’re hoping to achieve in the one ahead, and how they’re going to get there, and that’s great. Go all of you. I wish you luck.

Yet, it’s impossible to deny that my life has stalled since I graduated university back in 2012. The career I wanted, and still want to have, hasn’t taken off in the way that I would’ve liked which has lead to me still living at home, and that is not where I thought I’d be by the time I turned 26. I have yet to actually manage to get any of my writing published. I do feel like I’m making progress in all of these things though so that’s something. However, this year I have decided that I am not going to set myself any big goals because all that has done in the past is make me miserable and stressed. This year I want to be all about smaller goals, like, maybe not getting my novel draft to an agent, but to get a couple of short stories or poems to a point where I think they might be good enough to send off to competitions. I want to be able to writer shorter to-do lists, rather than making them overly long on purpose because I have a tendency to feel worthless if I’m not being productive enough.

Although last year was a pretty good one for me, it was a bad one for my mental health. I had a couple of massive slumps, and am currently still in one of I’m honest about it. I’m back in CBT therapy and that’s okay.  2017 may not be the year that my career takes off, writing or otherwise, but I would like it to be the year I start to stop thinking so big, and start to allow myself to feel better.

I hope you have a good one,

Nic xx






Will I ever catch up?

I’m not going to lie,  right now it’s starting to feel like I’m never going to be able to catch up on sleep after Christmas and New Year. It feels like the more I snooze, the more tired I get.

I’ve been going to bed earlier and earlier but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

It’s stressing me out and making me grouchy.

Please tell me I’m not the only one still feeling like this?