Back into a routine

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last updated this blog! I feel like all the posts on here lately have been about pain and bad cerebral palsy days and my anxiety and low mood. I think it’s important for me to talk about all that stuff, but it’s nice to be able to have something more positive to tell you too.

With all of these other things going on lately I sort of fell out of the routine of writing and job hunting and spent a lot more time than I would care to admit binge-watching Netflix and drinking way more tea than normal. It was nice to take it easy, but as someone who judges how good her day has been based on her productivity levels (I know, I know), it didn’t make me as happy as you might think.

It took me a while, but I think the bad CP days are gone for now, I’ve started being able to sleep again (and at a slightly better time than 2am, too!) and most excitingly of all I’ve got myself back into the swing of writing and editing. I feel like I’m making progress on my main project.

I made a YouTube video earlier this week about the aftermath of a fall in which I banged my hips and my already bad hip. I expected it to have quite a big impact on me for a few days, but it wasn’t all that bad. Yay!

One thing leads to another

Do any of you ever have those days where your balance is really bad or you just generally feel really unsteady on your feet and then it has a knock-on effect of loads of other stuff you try and do?

I dropped a glass the other day, and that in my worry that it would smash everywhere and I wouldn’t be able to clean t up, I dropped another. As it happened, neither of them actually broke. I have no idea how I managed to be so lucky but I’m not going to complain about it!

Continue reading “One thing leads to another”

An ‘almost-fall’

This morning I had what I like to call an ‘almost-fall’. I felt myself wobbling and knew that I was about to fall over backwards. If I did, I knew I’d crash into my radiator and washing basket. Yes, another washing basket. I seem to have the knack for falling into those, don’t I?

In the couple of seconds I was rocking back on my feet, at least one image of what might happen if I didn’t stop myself flashed through my mind. I heard myself gasp and flung my arms out to grab the chair next to me. I worked, I was fine. No harm done. Well, not this time anyway.

The thing is, I think ‘almost-falls’ can be pretty scary. Not quite as scary as actual falls, but sometimes they come pretty close. Sometimes they can be funny afterwards, like if I was about to fall over nothing, of if it was the sound of the toaster popping up the toast that made me lose my balance, (don’t you just hate it when that happens), but most of the time they leave feeling a bit unsteady for a bit afterwards.

I do talk about falls sometimes – like my infamous gravy fall – which I think will be mentioned in our house every time someone makes gravy until I move out – but I don’t tell you about every single one. Most of the time I just trip, but sometimes it’s scary, but most of the time, I can thankfully laugh about it afterwards.

How easily I become unbalanced

Sometimes I think I underestimate just how easy it is for me to start feeling unbalanced and start to wobble. I come close to falling over quite often, sometimes I catch myself in time, sometimes I don’t. Often I’ll feel myself becoming unsteady and know exactly what’s happened to cause it, but occasionally there seems to be no reason at all.  People I’m with will ask “What happened there?” and all I’ll be able to do is shrug my shoulders, say “I have no idea” and then give a nervous laugh. I always get nervous when I think I’m about to fall, but I don’t think that’s really surprising.

There are also plenty of instances when I know what made me start to wobble, and I’ll be amazed at what a simple thing it was. The other day I was leaning against the kitchen worktop, using both hands to butter some crackers; one of the broke in half when I wasn’t expecting it. The surprise of it cracking in my hand was even to make me jump and start to tip over backwards. Luckily I managed to reach out and grab the counter in time to steady myself. It was a good job too because if I had gone over, there’s a good chance I would have hit the oven. It wasn’t on at the time, but it still wouldn’t have been pleasant.

After I felt stable again and I stopped feeling nervous I realised that I was surprised that something so simple was enough to throw me off. It’s not the first time a crumbling cracker has made me wobble either (I eat rather a lot of them), but I’m always shocked when it does.

I try not to think about all the things that could have happened when I manage to avoid crashing to the ground, or how much worse it could have been when I do take a tumble. I just try my best to be as careful as I can.