Tag: disability

Another small victory

There’s been another small, small victory in Nicland this week. It’s nothing that will have a huge impact on my life, but one that made me smile and gave me a boost when I needed it.

I’ve blogged before about the difficulties I sometimes have with getting dressed into certain clothes. Buttons can be a bit of an issue sometimes. I can do them for myself, but sometimes it can take me several minutes to button up a shirt. But the items of clothing that tend to cause me the biggest problems are dresses and skirts. Ones that I can just pull over my head or step into tend to be fine, but ones that have a zip up the side are a bit of a pain for me. The zip is usually always on the left side, which is my weaker side. I have trouble getting my left hand and arm to do the things I want to do sometimes, especially if it’s something ‘fiddly’, like doing a zip or button for instance. This usually means that I can’t do these zips for myself, and need help putting on that particular outfit.

Needless to say, I try and avoid buying that type of clothing, but sometimes the dress just looks so perfect for whatever I want to wear it for (I usually only buy dresses with fiddly zips if I have a special occasion in mind that I want it for) and I’ll buy it anyway because I know my mum or my boyfriend will be around to help out.

However yesterday, I was feeling in the kind of mood where I felt like pushing myself to try and achieve something that I usually find hard. It looked really nice and sunny outside so I thought I’d try and put on one of the few dresses I own that I normally need help with. The dress I chose was the one that I’d bought to wear to my boyfriend’s graduation a few years ago. The only other time I’ve really warn it since have been for birthday meals out, and in my opinion it’s far too nice to just sit idly in my wardrobe.

Even though I thought I wouldn’t be able to manage it I actually did! I was really pleased because I could just step into it without even having to undo the zip. Yay!

It was a very small victory but it still meant a lot to me.

Feeling Pressure

When I started View From a Walking Frame it very quickly became a place for me to be positive about all the improvements that I make and all the achievements that I have in life that relate to my Cerebral Palsy. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’ve done my fair share of ranting and complaining, but on the whole I like to be as upbeat about my CP as I can.

However, there are times when it gets harder to keep looking on the bright side. As much as I hate having to think of those times, and write about them for you all to see, I feel like I should. As much as I want this blog to be about celebrating all that I can do and less about dwelling on the tough stuff, I also want it to be honest.

The thing is that sometimes I personally feel a lot of pressure when it comes to my disability. Before I go any further with this post, let me state that I am the only person who puts this pressure on myself. It is mine and mine alone. It doesn’t come from my parents or anyone else.

All throughout my life, people have put in so much work to help me become the person that I am today, and without even one of those people, I don’t think I’d be able to do all the things I can. I am grateful to every last one of them, but I’m sure you knew that already.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve started to realise just how much they’ve done, especially my parents. I don’t think I’ll ever understand all of it, no matter how hard I try. Now I do a lot of the stuff for myself, or I have a greater understanding of why these people keep doing these things that help, I sometimes feel, (well okay I always feel), like I have to keep pushing so that their hard work doesn’t end up being wasted, and so that I can make them proud. I feel like it’s my way of showing them how much I value their hard work and support.

Sometimes, I try an old exercise that I used to be able to do with relative ease, or think back to something I used to be able to do as a kid, and I find that it’s really, really hard. This can make me feel crushed. No matter how many times I feel like that, it doesn’t get easier.

Yes, you could say that they only person I should want to impress is myself, and believe me, I do. I really, really do. I want to do all of this stuff for myself more than for anybody else, and sometimes that’s the hardest part. I want to be able to keep walking and living my life the way I do for as long as possible. That makes me feel pressured sometimes. That’s the thing that I want most of all, but I know I can’t ever take it for granted and I’ll always have to work at it for the rest of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I don’t feel pressure at all and just focus on working hard and enjoying life, but some days, it’s there, and I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. It helps me to keep going after all.

 

Saying goodbye to my current wheelchair

Although I don’t remember exactly when I got my current wheelchair (which sometimes call Louise) I think it was some time while I was in Sixth Form, so between the ages of 16-18.

Although I try hard to use my walking frame Martha as much as possible, my wheelchair has still had rather a lot of use over the years. I use it if I know I’m going to be walking longer distances or out of the house for a long time. It’s also really handy when ill, tired or having one of those things that I personally like to call ‘a bad CP day’.

Lately, I started noticing that it was in need of a service for lots of different reasons. It had been a while since the last one, so I got in touch with Wheelchair Services and asked them to take a look.

They came out and did what they could on the day (tightening things up and so on) and then told me that they’d organise for me to get a new chair, which it has to be said, I’m strangely feeling quite excited about.

Usually when it comes to having to get a new walking frame I always feel quite sad about it. I never really want to stop using the one I have, and there’s usually lots of memories attached to it. The thing is that there are lots of memories attached to my current wheelchair too. I took it to university with me as well as my walking frame, I took it on my recent trip to London and I used it in a play that I did with my university drama society. Yet, I think that part of me is looking forward to the prospect of getting a new chair. I want to see what it will look like and I want to see how easily I will find it to push myself around in. I want to see how small it will fold up.

Looking forward to getting a new wheelchair is a new feeling to me, and one that’s taken me by surprise if I’m honest with you. I won’t be sad to see my old one go, I’m just curious to find out what my next one will be like. That’s okay, right?

I still plan on using my walking frame as much as possible though. I love walking around and knowing that I do it as much as I can, but maybe a change of wheelchair won’t be such a bad thing?

 

Yesterday’s physio appointment

I went to see my physio yesterday so that we could discuss if my Boxtox injections I had earlier this month had made a difference. Before I went into the appointment, I knew that I was starting to notice some changes myself. I’m already starting to feel less tight and my muscles didn’t feel as tight as they had previously done when I was having physio. I felt slightly nervous going into the appointment because I really hoped that my physio would agree with me and I didn’t want to feel like I’d let anyone down, especially myself.

Well, I’m very pleased to report that she was impressed! She started doing lots of my stretches and told me that she was pleased, so I told her about all the hard work that my family have been putting in to help me get the most out of the injections and she seemed really happy about that too. They’ve been helping out with the ones that I find it very difficult to do by myself, and constantly reminding me to keep going through those that I can do. Believe me when I say this support makes a huge difference and helps me stay motivated.

She gave me some new exercises to try, neither of which I find very easy at the moment, but I’ll just have to keep going with them until it gets easier. Then we did some work where I walk and stand while holding onto a bar on either side of me. She also said that she was impressed with how straight I was standing up too when she got me to focus on doing that. I’m not a medical professional so I don’t know if this is down to the Botox or not, but I was still glad that she was pleased.

Needless to say, I left the appointment feeling very happy indeed.

Physio again

Wow, I can’t believe that my next physio appointment has rolled around already. Today I’m off there and my physio and I will discuss if we think my recent  Botox injections have worked, and how much of a difference they may be starting to make.

Since having them done I’ve been putting in a lot of work, with the help of my family, into my stretches. There are plenty that I can do for myself but there’s still some I need help with. Before I had them done, I was surprised at just how tight all my muscles were feeling and just how much discomfort doing my physio was causing me. It wasn’t a nice thing to have to acknowledge, but at the same time I felt it was a good wake-up call and motivator to put the work in.

I’ve noticed over the last few days that the stretches haven’t been as uncomfortable, so I’m hoping that that is a good sign.

I’m strangely nervous to hear what my physio thinks, but I’m hoping that she’ll be pleased. I’ll let you all know.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve now set up a Facebook page for View From a Walking Frame, which you can take a look at here.