Tag: disability

NHS Appointment-related guilt

Yesterday I uploaded this cerebral palsy update video on my YouTube channel. In it I talked about how I’d fallen over onto my hip that always had The Mystery Hip Pain (TMHP). TMHP had gone after some acupuncture appointments, but now it’s back and  I’m faced with a dilemma – do I ask for more acupuncture?

It might sound like a no-brainer. It seems like the obvious thing to do, doesn’t it? Let’s nip it in the bud now and then we can all move on. I know that it makes perfect sense. I just feel so guilty about it.

It’s only been a couple of months since I was actually discharged. And yes, I know my acupuncturist told me to ask for a referral before things got really bad, but it’s just so soon after the last lot. If I go back now I’ll feel like I’m being greedy and taking more than my fair share of appointments – especially as I get them on the NHS.

But then I know that they’ll be a waiting list and God knows how long my name will be on that  before I actually find myself back at the hospital getting needles stuck in me again. It could be weeks or it could be months. Who knows what  TMHP will be like by then?

The problem is that I know I’ll feel psychologically a lot better about it if I hag on another month, even if that might make me feel physically worse. I know what I should do, but I also know what I wanted to do, too.

Four years on from uni

So I had an entirely different post planned for today, and then Facebook (not so kindly) reminded me that today marks four years since I finished my multimedia journalism degree. Now I’m kinda freaking out.

I’ve been told that I was as good as written off by some people when I was primary school age. People didn’t think I’d achieve all that much, but as soon as I learned university was a thing I knew I HAD to go.

Then, when I got to the age that it was time to seriously think about these things my mum started to get nervous about me moving away, my dad started researching disabled access at unis, and some people started to tell me they thought I should stay close to home. At which point I told them, in slightly politer terms than this, that there was not a chance in hell I was staying close to home if I could help it. I was moving out, and that was that.

There was a point when I did almost go to a university 40 minutes away from where I lived, but then I fell in love with Teesside University, about an hour and a half or two hours away depending on traffic. The staff there were all really supportive, and the university employed someone to help me physically get around campus so that I didn’t get stuck anywhere and he carried my stupidly heavy bag for me.  (Sorry about just how much it weighed if you’re reading this by the way!)

In the end I got a great result on my degree, but perhaps the biggest thing I achieved was a whole new level of independence and and physical fitness. I overcame my nervousness about getting the train on my own so I could go home and surprise my dad for his birthday. I learned that I could get by on a few visits from a supportive living team a week, and some help from my housemates, and I walked almost everywhere because I didn’t have a car and was too nervous to get the bus by myself.

Even on my most down and lonely days when I feel bad that I’m of where I hoped I’d be when I graduated, I could never think it was all a waste of time, even if I am pretty convinced I’ll be forever in debt.

Three years of blogging!

Can you believe it’s been three whole years since I decided to take the plunge and hit publish on my first post for View From a Walking Frame? I’ll be honest and say that it some ways it feels like it’s been three very long years and in others in feels like it’s only been a couple of months. Yet here I am still typing away and here you are still reading.
I’ve changed a lot in these last few years, both as a person with cerebral palsy, and as a person in general when you don’t take my CP into account at all. In my life as a person with a disability, I’ve noticed that I’m having more and more bad days, and that I’ve been trying more and more things to help ease said bad days with varying degrees of success. I’ve extended this blog and now I’m a vlogger on YouTube as well.

I decided to open up to all of you about my mental health and talk about my anxiety and low moods. Sometimes I think I talk about that more than I talk about my cerebral palsy, but you’re all lovely and none of you seem to mind. These things especially have dragged me through the ringer quite a bit over the last couple of years, and this blog is always here to help me deal with that and so are you guys.

I like to think I’ve posted on this blog fairly consistently over the years, even if I have had the odd quiet patch. Having a quiet patch used to make me feel guilty, which would make me feel anxious and down, but I’m slowly starting to accept that it’s okay to write less sometimes. This blog will always be here when I feel like  I have something to say or like I need some extra support.

Seriously, knowing that guys are out there has helped me get through some pretty low times, so thank you. I only hope I do the same for you in some way, no matter how small.

So, who’s up for a similar kind of post this time again next year? I know I am.

Love,

Nic xx
 

Is my hip pain coming back?

I’m going to guess that you all know what I’m talking about by now when I talk about my mystery hip pain – the one that bothered me on and off for a couple of years for reasons no one could work out, but, somehow, some acupuncture sessions got rid of? Yeah, I know, I’m sick of hearing myself talk about it too.

Well, I have news.

I fell over the other day and now it seems to be back.

Continue reading “Is my hip pain coming back?” →

We don’t wanna work!

Do any of you find that your arms/legs/insertotherbodypartshere just don’t want to work when you’re tired?

I get that with my legs sometimes, (it happened on Saturday), and it’s so weird.

I make all the movements that I need to make, and I can feel thee muscles flickering and doing their best work, but my legs just don’t want to work how they should. Sometimes they will move, but a lot slower than I want them to and other times they just will not do what I want and do a much small movement.

I get it a lot after long car rides, which makes getting out of the car again all kinds of fun. but on Saturday night it was just because I needed to get to bed after a long day. I was out at a friend’s birthday party that night and I only have my walking frame Ivy with me so I left early so that I could make the five or ten minute walk from my friend’s house to my  boyfriend’s flat before I got too tired. I know that I could have just ordered a taxi but I didn’t want to do that because I wanted to see if I could wake my legs up a bit. They felt really heavy and I knew I’d get a better night’s sleep if I made them work a little bit first.

Do any of you get this sometimes? Does it feel strange to you? How do you explain it to to other people. I guess the best way that I can think to explain to other people is that it’s like there’s a fault or a time delay between my thoughts and my muscles.