I jinxed it…

Do you remember that bit in my previous blog post where I said that my hip and pelvis pain had been so much better since I’d been staying at home all the time?

Well, I think I jinxed it, because guess who started having a pain flare the day after I wrote it?

Yup, that’d be me.

My pelvis pain is back and making itself felt and I am most displeased.

It’s not the worst flare I’ve had in fairness but it’s caught me on the back foot, that’s for sure. I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to figure out if I’ve done anything differently that may have triggered it; something I could just stop doing and have it settle back down again. Unfortunately, the only thing that’s been different is the weather, which has gone from being wonderfully warm to flippin’ freezing.

My cerebral palsy and the pain it causes is so much easier for me to manage in the summer. Heat is one of the key ways, if not the key way that I manage my impairment on a day-to-to basis and to have the sun disappear so quickly makes my body very cranky indeed.

So, reluctantly, I have dragged my orthopaedic shorts back out of my wardrobe which will likely help if I wear them for a couple of hours every day while it’s cold. They’re custom made for me and are measured to the millimetre. They’re designed to be skin-tight and hold my hips and pelvis in the right place.

I like them and they do help, but getting them on is a total nightmare. Have you seen that bit of stand up Michael McIntyre does about watching someone put tights on? It’s like that only it takes about three times longer and doesn’t even have the slightly sexy bit at the beginning.

All in all, I shouldn’t complain, but it’s made me realise just little I’ve had to focus on managing my pain levels the last couple of weeks. Of course, it was wonderful while it lasted, but it’s hard not to feel a little bit sad when the pain becomes front and centre again.

It’s already been a long year…

Hello, hello – how are you all? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels as though 2020 has lasted about three years already and we’re only just halfway through. Those of you who follow me on Twitter might be aware that my dad died of cancer a few weeks ago. I won’t go into too many details here as he wouldn’t want me to. I’ll only say that he got diagnosed in 2019 and passed away peacefully in April 2020.

I’ve been working full time from home for a last few months because of coronavirus. While I don’t miss my commute, I miss seeing my colleagues face-to-face rather than on video chat that may or may freeze every 30 seconds. I’m working on a shift pattern, which is new for me. Sometimes I’ve even done a mixture of early shifts and late ones in the same week, which has been interesting when it’s come to managing spoons. I might share some of the strategies I’ve been using to try manage my pain levels, energy levels and trying not to burn out mentally.

I had actually been planning on moving out this year to somewhere closer to work purely so that I could cut my commute down…needless to say those plans are now on hold for the foreseeable future. My life has changed a lot in the last 12 months; I got a new job at work, my 10 year relationship ended, all the things that happened with my dad…

I think I just want some time ‘be’ with the life I have now for a little. If such a thing exists, but I’m not convinced it does.

It’s not all bad news though. Slowly but surely I’m starting to write again, I’ve gone back to therapy (via Zoom) to keep and eye on my mental health and my hip and pelvis pain has been loads better while I haven’t been leaving the house.

In fact, I’ve hardly had any bad cerebral palsy days at all, which is wonderful

How my PIP assessment went

N.B. Personal Independence Payment (PIP) is a benefit in the UK that helps disabled people cover the extra living costs they incur as a result of their impairments, such as needing to pay for a care team or buy pre-cooked food.


My PIP assessment was actually a positive experience. Yes, you read that right. It was a positive experience for me, and I am stunned.

While I wasn’t anxious or stressed in the days leading up to the appointment, I didn’t have an ‘everything will be fine’ attitude about it either. I was definitely not expecting to feel relaxed, or like the assessor had an understanding of my cerebral palsy, and yet, that is exactly how I felt throughout.

My assessor was lovely, apologised that some of the questions were a bit personal and kept telling me that my answers were good or understandable; like when I told him that although my impairment mainly impacts on my lower body, I still get pain in my neck and shoulders because of poor posture. I felt like he understood the nature of my pain and that made me feel more relieved that I thought it would. Looking back now I was definitely worried that my pain levels might be brought into question, and they weren’t.

He referred to things written on my form and medical evidence a lot, which made me feel like he’d read my case carefully. I mentioned depression and anxiety in passing on my form, because the medication I take for that means that I can’t take ibuprofen as pain relief any more, and he told me that he wanted to explore that a little more so he didn’t miss anything.

I felt listened to and believed. I thanked the man at the end for making me feel comfortable. I have friends who have found their own assessments very distressing, and I’ve heard many similar stories on social media too. I am aware that this makes me lucky in a way that it shouldn’t have to because everyone’s experience should be like this.

As daft as I know this sounds, I’ve spent today in a bit of a daze. I can’t quite believe that it’s all over, and how much better I feel for it. I feel so grateful to have had such a positive assessment. I feel sad and guilty that so many don’t feel the same way about their own.

Of course, the PIP application process isn’t over for me just yet. The assessor now has to write a report that will be sent to a case manager who will decide the outcome of my claim.

The important thing for now is that I feel like the assessment went as well as it could’ve done.

I just have to hope the outcome is in my favour.

Life update: Applying for PIP, another new job and my Mystery Hip Pain returns

Hi everyone,

I hope life’s treating you well?

I can’t quite believe that we’re in April already, and I’m sure I some of you can’t either. I started yet another new job at work in March! Yep, that’s right, the girl who couldn’t get a job at all has had three different ones in under a year! I can’t quite believe it. I’m still at the same place, and it’s another temporary contract, but it’s also a step up in some ways. I feel like I’m slowly starting to get my head around it so yay, me.

It’s not all smiles and rainbows in Nic Land at the moment though. I’ve finally had my letter telling me that it’s time for me to switch from Disability Living Allowance (DLA) to Personal Independence Payment (PIP). For those of you who don’t live in the UK these are two different, non-means tested, disability benefits that help people pay for things like care packages and any extra costs they might incur because they need extra support with daily tasks. The former is being replaced by latter for reasons I’m not going to try and explain because I don’t entirely understand it myself.

I was on indefinite DLA prior to having to re-apply for PIP, and being awarded PIP isn’t guaranteed. Now I have to go through the process of filling out lots of forms about how my cerebral palsy impacts on me, and being assessed to see if I’m entitled to it. It’ll be a long process, and it’s one that I’m only at the start of.

I have some very kind and well-informed people helping me with this. I’ll keep you posted, and try and pass on as much of their advice as I can to any of you in a similar situation. I’ll admit I’m clueless on this one.

In other news, the Mystery Hip Pain that has been a semi-regular feature in my life for the last few years appears to be back with a (very painful) vengeance, and it’s fair to say I haven’t missed it. I’ve been working from home a lot more than usual because it feels like bone grating on bone whenever I move, and it keeps locking at very unhelpful times.

Luckily, I have an appointment with my consultant next week. So far, we haven’t been able to work out what causes it or why, but I’m hoping we’ll have a breakthrough this time.

I’ll keep you updated.

Love,

Nic x

 

Things I learned in January 2019

So, January 2019 was hella busy. I started a new job, travelled to London by myself for the first time, got a temporary ‘new’ wheelchair, celebrated my birthday, celebrated Rob’s birthday, celebrated two other birthdays in my friendship group and still somehow found the time to read/listen to eight books/audiobooks.

Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot, about myself and about managing my disability day-to day. Here are some things that will stick with me:

  • Yes, London is far too big (and fast) for me to walk around, but as long as I get taxis everywhere, it’s no different to me travelling anywhere else by myself
  • My Nimbo walking frame fits into the back of a Toyota Precis Plus without needing to be folded up. Not that my family will be buying a new car any time soo, but it’s good to know!
  • I really, really need to put some WD40 on the flip-out seat of said walking frame, because it’s still new and far too stiff for me to flip back up (shout out to Antony if he’s reading this for managing to sort it out for me)
  • I am getting better and managing my pain and energy levels. I’ve been working from home two days a week instead of one, and it makes a huge, huge difference. Far more than I thought it would
  • Black cabs are actually far more accessible than I thought

I hope the month was kind to all of you, too. I can’t tell you how good  it feels to be to say that I coped in London, admittedly with a lot of help from many of my colleagues. But that still doesn’t take away from the fact that this isn’t something I would’ve ever contemplated doing 18 months or so ago.

I’m still counting this an an important step in my journey.

Oh, and if any of you want to be my friend on Goodreads, here’s where to find me.

Much love,

Nic xx