Feeling sorry for myself

Yup, today has been all about me throwing myself a massive pity party. I know I shouldn’t but I am, and even though the only thing I hate more than feeling like this is admitting to anyone that I’m feeling like this, I’m going to tell you about it anyway. There’s no point in me writing a blog about my life with cerebral palsy if I’m not going to be open and honest about the rubbish bits, is there?

It started as just a bad mood. Well, less of a bad mood and more of a difficult depression kind of day – I can tell the difference, because, on difficult depression days, the thought of getting dressed makes me want to cry. Today was one of those. Nonetheless, I managed to pull on some jeans and an over-sized jumper and go pick up my new glasses.

Then my old friend, Mystery Hip Pain kicked in. And it kicked in hard. I’ve had pins and needles in my hip almost constantly from then on and sitting still is hard because getting comfy is pretty much impossible.

If this carries on for more than a couple of days I know that the best thing to do will be to ask to go back to my acupuncturist. She’s amazing at getting the pain to go away again, but I’m always aware of the fact that it’s only about two months since I was last discharged for her service and I’ll feel like I’m being greedy and having more than my fair share of appointments. I know that this shouldn’t even enter my head, but it’s hard not to think about in when everywhere you turn people are talking about how strained the NHS is.

And now I have backache too. Pfft.

Acupuncture update 19/1/17

I had another acupuncture appointment today. I remember being so excited when my referral letter came through the post because I knew how much the treatment had helped my mystery hip pain in the past.

At my first appointment, my acupuncturist did warm me that I might not notice such dramatic effects this time because my pain had been nowhere near as bad as before.

I have to say that she was right. I noticed a slight difference between my first session and my second, but hardly any at all between last week’s and today’s.

I mentioned this to her and she decided to try using more needles, but so far, I’m still not noticing a difference. Maybe I will in a few days…



NHS Appointment-related guilt

Yesterday I uploaded this cerebral palsy update video on my YouTube channel. In it I talked about how I’d fallen over onto my hip that always had The Mystery Hip Pain (TMHP). TMHP had gone after some acupuncture appointments, but now it’s back and  I’m faced with a dilemma – do I ask for more acupuncture?

It might sound like a no-brainer. It seems like the obvious thing to do, doesn’t it? Let’s nip it in the bud now and then we can all move on. I know that it makes perfect sense. I just feel so guilty about it.

It’s only been a couple of months since I was actually discharged. And yes, I know my acupuncturist told me to ask for a referral before things got really bad, but it’s just so soon after the last lot. If I go back now I’ll feel like I’m being greedy and taking more than my fair share of appointments – especially as I get them on the NHS.

But then I know that they’ll be a waiting list and God knows how long my name will be on that  before I actually find myself back at the hospital getting needles stuck in me again. It could be weeks or it could be months. Who knows what  TMHP will be like by then?

The problem is that I know I’ll feel psychologically a lot better about it if I hag on another month, even if that might make me feel physically worse. I know what I should do, but I also know what I wanted to do, too.

Is my hip pain coming back?

I’m going to guess that you all know what I’m talking about by now when I talk about my mystery hip pain – the one that bothered me on and off for a couple of years for reasons no one could work out, but, somehow, some acupuncture sessions got rid of? Yeah, I know, I’m sick of hearing myself talk about it too.

Well, I have news.

I fell over the other day and now it seems to be back.

Continue reading “Is my hip pain coming back?”

Counting down to my next appointment

Believe me, I cannot wait for my next acupuncture appointment later on this week.

By the time I have it it will have been three weeks since my last one and it would appear that my hip pain thinks that’s a bit too long to wait.

Things were fine for the first two weeks or so. Sure, it bothered me a little bit, but once I’d got it to crack things settled down again.

However, week three has been a whole other story. I’m back to it causing me problems every night and making it hard to get comfortable. My back is also giving me jip, and the backache is also causing muscular pains in my chest and stomach too.

All of those things at once mean I’ve been getting very little sleep. Even only sorting out the hip pain will make a huge difference.

I can’t wait.