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An ‘almost-fall’

This morning I had what I like to call an ‘almost-fall’. I felt myself wobbling and knew that I was about to fall over backwards. If I did, I knew I’d crash into my radiator and washing basket. Yes, another washing basket. I seem to have the knack for falling into those, don’t I?

In the couple of seconds I was rocking back on my feet, at least one image of what might happen if I didn’t stop myself flashed through my mind. I heard myself gasp and flung my arms out to grab the chair next to me. I worked, I was fine. No harm done. Well, not this time anyway.

The thing is, I think ‘almost-falls’ can be pretty scary. Not quite as scary as actual falls, but sometimes they come pretty close. Sometimes they can be funny afterwards, like if I was about to fall over nothing, of if it was the sound of the toaster popping up the toast that made me lose my balance, (don’t you just hate it when that happens), but most of the time they leave feeling a bit unsteady for a bit afterwards.

I do talk about falls sometimes – like my infamous gravy fall – which I think will be mentioned in our house every time someone makes gravy until I move out – but I don’t tell you about every single one. Most of the time I just trip, but sometimes it’s scary, but most of the time, I can thankfully laugh about it afterwards.

Do you dream of appointments?

I do. Quite often actually. Mostly about physio and orthotics, where I have my most common appointments. Last night was one of those nights. I was wandering round and round the hospital looking for the orthotics department but I couldn’t find it, and pictures of various members of staff, (some I knew and some I didn’t), dressed like Tudor royalty lined the walls. It was a strange dream.

Other times I’ve dreamed that I’ve been given new pieces of equipment to try out, and woken up in a panic when I can’t remember where I put it, only to realise moments later that I was never given it in the first place.

And so the cold weather begins

It’s cold today. I’m cold. It’s raining pretty hard too. Today is the coldest I’ve felt in a while. We’ve had a pretty wonderful summer in the UK this year, or we have in my neck of the woods at least. We’ve actually had sun, and heat. I love the warm weather. I don’t do well in the cold. It makes me seize up, makes my muscles tighter, and makes the aches and pains that come along with my Cerebral Palsy that little bit more prominent and that little bit worse. It might be getting closer to the season to be jolly, but in Nic Land tis already the season to get working extra hard on my stretches to keep my muscle tightness at bay.

This morning I got up, got dressed, put my dressing gown back on and got back into bed with my laptop to write this post and work on editing my novel and keep warm. It’s probably not that cold really, but I’m also full of cold so I’m probably feeling it a bit more.

If my mum were home, she’d probably tell me to put the heating on, but I think I’ll just stay in my cocoon for now. I’m not too tight today as it happens, but today I am reminded that winter will be here before too long.

A nice surprise

It’s no secret that I’ve been having quite a few ‘bad CP days’ lately and having trouble sleeping at night because of various aches and pains, but today has provided me with a very nice surprise. Not just because I got the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a while last night.

I’ve come down with a wonderful cold this weekend (don’t you just love them) and usually when I get ill, it brings the muscles aches and tightness caused by my Cerebral Palsy to the fore. I feel it a lot more when I’m not well, and colds seem to have quite an impact for some reason.

That said, today has thus far been one of the most ache-free, pain-free days I’ve had in a few weeks and I feel pretty much like I’m back to my ‘normal  self’ (save for the blocked nose, stuffy head, and sore throat). My muscles feel a bit stiff, but I always feel that every day to some extent. When I went to bed last night I expected everything to be throbbing when I woke up. That  is not the case, which I am very happy about indeed.

I’ve spent the day editing the novel I’m working on while sitting in long sitting to get a good stretch and lounging around in my night splints that I’m also allowed to wear in resting. Oh, and doing the almost-mandatory poorly person things like drink copious amounts of tea and eating ice cream of course.

Botox and facing hard truths

Well, I’ve just got back from my Botox appointment and it went well. I’ve had the injections in both legs, arranged an appointment with my physio, my physio is going to try and arrange a joint appointment with myself, her and my orthotist to see what we can do to get me feeling comfortable in splints. She’s also going to book a service for my walking frame Martha.

My botox injections were done by my physio and I also saw my consultant when she popped into the room. I made sure I was honest and told them all about the extra pain I’ve been getting that have been keeping me  up at night, the fact that I seem to be tiring a lot faster than usual when I walk and not feeling like doing as much walking as normal. They listened really closely to what I had to say and then explained to me that quite a few people with Cerebral Palsy also find themselves feeling the same way in their 20s.

In a way, it was nice to know that I’m probably not alone in this, but it also felt daunting too. Doctors have told me in the past that I’ll start walking less as I get older and I’ve sort of made peace with that in my own way, but the reality is still something I can’t imagine.

Don’t worry, I think I’m still a long way from that point yet, but today I got one huge reality check and I don’t like it very much. The good thing about all this is that it’s made me more determined to work hard.

It might not always be easy, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try