Category: Uncategorized

Morning Bliss

I know what you’re thinking, Nic, we get it, you’re not a morning person, but  one of the main reasons I don’t like mornings is because I never know what I’m going to wake up to, both on a cerebral palsy level and on a mental health-y kind of level.

Thanks to my CP, there’s not a day that goes by where something doesn’t hurt or ache, and for the most part it’s fine and I can deal with it. Lately though my bad CP days have been getting more and more frequent, and happening for more consecutive days.

Just lately I’ve been having a lot of problems with the bottom of my back and my neck to the point where I haven’t really felt like doing much during the day, and it’s been keeping me up at night. Needless to say that means I have no idea just how bad something will be when I wake up.

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I keep on moving with the lights off

I really, really do not like walking around my house without any lights on. I don’t even like walking across my bedroom without a lamp or something on if I can help it and I’ve done that thousands of times.

I just get so scared that I’ll trip or fall on something, and often when I panic all my muscles go stiff. This inn turn has a tendency of making me drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Not fun.

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Things I do on bad CP nights

I’ve been having quite a few bad CP nights lately so I thought I’d share some of the things I do when I’m having one:

  • Keep moving around – I hope I can get comfy if I try lying in enough different positions
  • Lots of physio
  • Get up and do something productive – When I have a bad cerebral palsy night I know there’s a pretty good chance I’ll sleep in the next day to compensate so I like to try and do something productive because I find that makes me feel a lot less stressed the next day. Plus, it gives me something else to focus on besides the pain, which can sometimes help make me feel better.
  • Read – so many books, so little time
  • Binge watch Netflix

What do you do on bad CP nights?

A ball of anxiety

I often find my anxiety is worse at night. It often kicks in just as I’m about to go to sleep.

Take now for example.  It’s about 12.30am on Sunday morning and I spent most of Saturday wandering around in a fog of tiredness with the worst neck ache I’ve had for a long time . I’ve spent most of the day counting down the minutes to bed time. Sleep should be easy but it won’t be.

The second I crawled under the duvet my brain started buzzing with anxious thoughts about all sorts of things like what I’m going to post on here this week,  the videos I need to edit and the fact I haven’t done any writing for a while.

Then of course I got anxious about the fact that I’m too anxious to sleep.

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So tired I could cry

I am writing this post at lunchtime on Friday and I am so tired I could cry. It sounds petty I know. I also know that Friday’s are usually for Fun Fact Friday posts but this one feels more important today.

The thing is, I’ve been trying really, really hard not to go back to sleep pretty much since I woke up, but I think I may have to admit defeat and just nap.

As you probably know by now, I nap a lot these days, and I feel very, very guilty about it. I don’t want to have a snooze but I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate of anything else until I do. Pretty much the only thoughts going around my mind now are: sleep, and Nic, you have really bad backache right now, you know you like to lay down and stretch out when you have backache.

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