Over this past week or so I’ve hit a real emotion low and I don’t mind telling you that it’s been hard. Very hard.
There’s been a couple of things at play that have contributed to this. Some of it is thanks to the fact that I’m feeling quite hormonal (not that you wanted to know), but as I’ve also told you before, my cerebral palsy and my period do not get on. It makes my legs ache right down to the bones and during that time I also feeling a lot stiffer. That doesn’t exactly boost my mood either.
Other factors are that it feels like everyone around me is moving forward in their lives while I’m stuck. Job hunting is not going well, and the things I’m finding to apply for are either in areas that I can’t afford to live in, or are in areas that would possibly be too hard for me to live independently in geographically, because they’re very hilly or not easy to get around. I would probably still go for the jobs in these areas though and look into getting a powered wheelchair, although this isn’t really something I want to do. More on that in a separate post.
There was one day last week where I felt lower than I’ve felt for a long, long time. I kept trying to job hunt, and write, and read, and do all the things I usually do, but I just felt too sad to concentrate on anything. Even watching the mindless TV I watch on my cerebral palsy days was hard. I basically spent most of the day asleep and trying to do all of these things on a loop until my boyfriend came over with chocolate, tea, and a willingness to listen when I wanted to talk and watch the odd YouTube video together when I didn’t.
The worst part about all of it was that I didn’t really have a reason to feel that sad. I just did.
Do any of you have days like these. How do you cope?
In the meantime I guess I’ll just keep writing, blogging and making YouTube videos and see what happens.