How my PIP assessment went

N.B. Personal Independence Payment (PIP) is a benefit in the UK that helps disabled people cover the extra living costs they incur as a result of their impairments, such as needing to pay for a care team or buy pre-cooked food.


My PIP assessment was actually a positive experience. Yes, you read that right. It was a positive experience for me, and I am stunned.

While I wasn’t anxious or stressed in the days leading up to the appointment, I didn’t have an ‘everything will be fine’ attitude about it either. I was definitely not expecting to feel relaxed, or like the assessor had an understanding of my cerebral palsy, and yet, that is exactly how I felt throughout.

My assessor was lovely, apologised that some of the questions were a bit personal and kept telling me that my answers were good or understandable; like when I told him that although my impairment mainly impacts on my lower body, I still get pain in my neck and shoulders because of poor posture. I felt like he understood the nature of my pain and that made me feel more relieved that I thought it would. Looking back now I was definitely worried that my pain levels might be brought into question, and they weren’t.

He referred to things written on my form and medical evidence a lot, which made me feel like he’d read my case carefully. I mentioned depression and anxiety in passing on my form, because the medication I take for that means that I can’t take ibuprofen as pain relief any more, and he told me that he wanted to explore that a little more so he didn’t miss anything.

I felt listened to and believed. I thanked the man at the end for making me feel comfortable. I have friends who have found their own assessments very distressing, and I’ve heard many similar stories on social media too. I am aware that this makes me lucky in a way that it shouldn’t have to because everyone’s experience should be like this.

As daft as I know this sounds, I’ve spent today in a bit of a daze. I can’t quite believe that it’s all over, and how much better I feel for it. I feel so grateful to have had such a positive assessment. I feel sad and guilty that so many don’t feel the same way about their own.

Of course, the PIP application process isn’t over for me just yet. The assessor now has to write a report that will be sent to a case manager who will decide the outcome of my claim.

The important thing for now is that I feel like the assessment went as well as it could’ve done.

I just have to hope the outcome is in my favour.

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Two days until my PIP assessment

N.B. Personal Independence Payment (PIP) is a benefit in the UK that helps disabled people cover the extra living costs they incur as a result of their impairments, such as needing to pay for a care team or buy pre-cooked food.


Usually, an event like a PIP assessment would send my anxiety into overdrive weeks in advance, but with just two days to go all I feel is indifferent. If anything, I am more anxious about the fact that I don’t feel anxious about the assessment….

Maybe it’s because I have good coping strategies in place that help me keep my anxiety at bay. Maybe it’s because I’m on a dosage of medication that works  for me. Maybe it’s because a friend has been helping me and I know he knows his stuff. Or, more likely, it’s a mixture of all three.

I wish I  could say I view not being especially worried about the process as an entirely positive thing, but I don’t. Yes, I’d much rather feel indifferent than like I’m going to fall apart any second (which could well be how I actually feel when Tuesday morning rolls around) but the probable reasons for my indifference don’t sit well with me.

Either I’m being so blasé because I’m burying my head in the sand, which I don’t feel like I am, but who knows? Or – and I think this is the most likely cause –  I’m trying not to worry because I know the outcome is largely out of my control.

At the end of the day, an assessor is going to come to my house, go over the form and medical evidence I submitted, talk to me about how my cerebral palsy impacts on on my day-to-day life, and decide, what, if any, level of ‘award’ I am entitled to. I feel as though all I can do is answer their questions as clearly and honestly as I can. The rest is up to a stranger I haven’t even met yet.

These things are always unpleasant; telling a stranger about my inability to tie my own shoelaces at the age of 28, or having to ask my work colleagues to cut my food for me if we go out for lunch will always a bit embarrassing for me. It’s one thing to know these things myself, but having to say them aloud to someone else is never nice. Especially when I know I’ll have to talk about it in great detail for any length of time.

But what will be will be, I guess.