I’m not a medical professional, these are just things that help me
Tag: anxiety
VLOG: Doing something that makes me anxious
A string of bad days
Last week was tough.
In fact, it was one of hardest I’ve had for a while both on a physical and mental level.
The first few days were spent riddled with anxiety about job hunting related things that I won’t bore you with. As soon as that had sorted itself out, I had a physio appointment during in which the subject of how my increasing pain levels might be linked to the fact I’m getting older. Even if my physio did tell me she thinks I’m a long way from coming off my feet yet, I’m only 24 and right now I’m not exactly filled the confidence about my ‘cerebral palsy future.’
Then came the bad CP days; three of four of them in a row.
An emotionally draining weekend
I am falling asleep as I write this. It is just past midnight on Monday morning and I an curled up in my bed ready to go to dreamland and bring an end to a very anxiety filled weekend.
I have a couple of appointments and deadlines coming up this week that I’ve been busy preparing for.
I also have to go somewhere new this week and that is always worry because I don’t know how easy it will be for me to navigate the public transport.
Rediscovering my motivation
It feels like things are changing here in NicLand, and that is most definitely a good thing.
It’s now been three years since I finished my multimedia journalism degree and a lot has happened to me since then. When I graduated I felt mentally and physically stronger than I had ever done. I could walk further and do more for myself than I had been able to in the past, and my anxiety and low moods weren’t impacting on me anywhere near as much as they had done when I was studying for my A-levels and in my first year at uni. Yes, I was scared about what the future might hold, but more than anything, I was excited.
Fast forward two years and the story became very different. Even though I’d done work experience, an internship and a bit of freelance work, I still hadn’t found a fulltime job. I wasn’t getting out much during the week because everyone around me had jobs, and that meant that I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I spent far more time focusing on my worries, my anxieties and everything and my OCD-like thoughts about germs. I started showering up to three times a day and changing my clothes, worrying that they would have germs on them that would infect the house. I spent a lot of time crying and not a lot of time sleeping. To put it bluntly, I was a mess.
viewfromawalkingframe 