More thoughts on accepting help

Today’s post is inspired by Nora, who also blogs, because she asked me if I would do a post about accepting help even when I don’t want it.

First of all, I’d like to say that I think NEEDING help and WANTING help are two different things. I don’t always want to ask for help, but I do because it is sometimes the safest, (and also sometimes the only), way of getting things done. That’s okay. Everybody needs help sometimes. I think that’s part of being human, but that doesn’t mean that I always find it an easy thing to admit.

It took me a long time to accept that we are all interdependent. When I was a teenager I also thought that one day I would be independent. Lots of people over the years always made a point of telling me that my parents won’t be around forever. That always annoyed me. Of course I know they won’t be around forever, nor will I, but it always makes me feel guilty that I need help, even today.

While I like to think that I’ve reached a stage where I’m sensible enough to ask someone to lend me a hand when I need it, there are times I find myself thinking that it would be nice not to need it. For example, if I want a bath, I have to ask my mum o my boyfriend to lift me in and out. I don’t want them to do it, but I need them to because I can’t do it myself and it would be dangerous if I tried.

Sometimes it gets me down that I can’t just go for a soak whenever I feel like it, but then I have to remind myself how lucky I am to be able to do all the things I can do already. I used to be ashamed that it made me sad, but I’m slowly starting to learn that everyone feels sad sometimes and that’s also normal.

Learning that it’s okay to ask for help once you’ve done the best you can for yourself was one of the hardest but most important things I’ve ever had to learn.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “More thoughts on accepting help

  1. I know exactly what you mean… I don’t like asking for help, but I’m slowly learning that when I need it, I have to ask…. As a regular at work told me a few months ago when I was really struggling with something…. everyone needs help occasionally whether you have a disability or not, and it takes a bigger person to ask for help, than to struggle…. That has really stuck with me

    Like

  2. THanks for this post Nic πŸ™‚ What stood out to me in this post (as a parent), was that people telling you that your parents wouldn’t be around forever “annoyed you” – IT ANNOYS ME TOO!!!!! A well meaning therapist just this week, more or less said this to my 10yr old – and it really upset me! She is a CHILD and shouldn’t have to be thinking about that NOW, I thought. Oh I know when she is a teenager, she will want to do as much as she can without ME around – sure – that’s only natural – but geez……is it really necessary to point that our right now I though????? Miss M still needs a lot of help getting dressed, and this came up at a therapy session. 2 things happened – I second guessed myself thinking “am I doing too much for her and not pushing making her independent in dressing enough?” And don’t get me wrong – reassessing what you are doing and how you are doing it isn’t a bad thing, but I almost felt guilty for a minute….. but then my senses kicked in, and I was like “no- we have the balance as right as we can get it” and then I felt a bit angry and I also thought – what is this inadvertently saying to my 10yr old who struggles with a lot of things, and although she too can do a lot independently she also needs a lot of help at the same time. How is this flippant remark affecting her – her sense of who she is, her sense of what I do, her sense of what she “should” do. So Nic – THANK YOU again – for providing insight into your thoughts and feelings. As always I will help my daughter achieve the best level of independence in any task that she can achieve – but you know what? – right now she doesn’t have to be concerned about “why” we do the things we do the way we do them, and she certainly doesn’t need to be really thinking about being an adult when she is just 10 – for heaven sake – when I was 10, I was worrying about the next game I was going to play etc I wasn’t planning out what I needed to learn to do as an adult! 😦

    Like

    1. I agree that she doesn’t need to think about all that stuff yet, and it used to annoy me that everyone seemed to want me to think about it all the time.

      When I was yonger I used to needed a lot more than I do now.

      Like

      1. That is really good to hear Nic. I think the same – there is plenty of time – I think we just need to work on building on her abilities and the rest will come. Shes a pretty bright little possum who takes every opportunity to be as independent as she can – Im sure when she is ready for me NOT to help with dressing, it will happen LOL πŸ˜‰

        Like

      2. I think my mum helped me with dressing for school until I was about 14 because a had to wear a shirt, tie and blazer so it took me ages to get dressed otherwise but I dressed myself in easier clothes on weekends. Once I got to 14 I got a bit faster so I could get myself ready for school then. I do it all myself now though. Mikayla will find her own way I’m sure πŸ™‚

        Like

    2. Sorry that commeny cut off too soon. But I used to need help dressing and things but that came in time and with lots of practice. We all worked together. I always tried to think about what I could do in the present and improving on that. I worry about the future now I’m older though.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s