10 thoughts on “NEW VLOG: looking at Cerebral Palsy in my refelction

  1. interesting vlog!! When I look in the mirror the person looking back at me is not the ‘me’ I see in my minds eye…. as you said when I stand I think I’m standing straight, when actually I’m not… it’s the same when I look at photos of me, I was looking at some photos from last years holiday in Spain with my friend recently, and to be honest I didn’t really like what I saw, the photo was of us stood by the pool about to jump in…. I was topless and I couldn’t help but dislike the way my shoulders really obviously curve forward, and how bent my back, hips and knees are, and how skinny and weak my legs look. It’s just not how I see myself in that memory in my head. I’m not often self conscious about my appearance, but It makes me wonder what people think when they look at me… It made me kind of a tiny bit sad.


    1. I can totally relate to this. You’ve just said everything I was trying to say far better than I ever could. Thank you.

      Sometimes I find it harder to look at photos than in the mirror. It makes me feel sad sometimes too and then it taints my memories a little bit.

      Have you ever read a book called Accidents of nature by Harriet McBryde-Johnson? It’s about a 17 year old girl with cp at an American disability summer camp on the 60s. I was 17 myself when I read it and there’s a bit in the book where she looks at another girl with cp and what sees. It really struck a chord with me. The whole book summed up a lot of my thoughts and worries at the time.


      1. Your vlog really got me thinking about how often I avoid looking at photos of myself – I don’t always avoid it… It depends really on what I’m wearing, If I’m wearing shorts or a tight fitting top, then it shows more of the affect that cp has on my body, I prefer photos of me wearing my splints with shorts, as they take the attention away form how skinny and weak my legs look, especially with the way I customize them.

        Have you ever seen a video of you standing and walking?? this vlog reminded me of when I was 18, and had been discharged from the consultant that did most of the major surgery I had in my teens, and they gave me a video of all the gait analysis I’d had before and after my surgeries to demonstrate how much my walking had improved and how much hard work I had put in… I hated it… even though I could see how much I had improved it still made me really self conscious of the way I stood and the way my body moved.

        I’ve not read that book, maybe I should put it on my ‘to read list’…


      2. If I wear shorts I have tow ear tights. I don’t even walk round my house with bare legs if I can help it. They’re so skinny and waek and you can tell I have bad circulation.

        Yeah I have seen videos of walking and I don’t like it for the same reasons you said.

        I’ve been meaning to reread it but I just never get round to it.


  2. An interesting vlog Nic. I love your honesty :). I have to admit, it is sometimes difficult to hear this side of things as the parent but this is all par for the course, and I hope can help us for the future. Im wondering if you mind sharing if there was an age you could think of where you started being more aware or self conscious of differences.


    1. Thanks Angela. Um, I probably started feeling more self conscious and aware of my differences when I started high school when I was 11. I can do a blog post about that if you like?


  3. Interesting, because my daughter has just turned 10 so I guess is getting there. I am always grateful for the insight you provide via your blog, so if you would like to blog about it that would be good. I also forgot to mention, that with or without CP I guess we all can have similar issues re our “reflections” of our physical bodie….I know I avoid mirrors where I can LOL, and prefer to actually BE the way I imagine in my head, however I always revert to the old adage of the reflection that is most important in our lives, and to others, is really the reflection of your heart and soul. 🙂


    1. That’s so true Angela! And thanks so much. I’ve never been overly conscious of my difficulties to be honest but every so often I find myself in a situation where I’m more aware of them.


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