Category: Uncategorized

When I don’t have a wheat bag

Just lately I’ve been spending more time at my boyfriend’s flat while he’s out at work. Usually I only hang out there when the two of us are hanging out together, but sometimes it’s just nice to have a change of scene, especially as the weather has been bad and I haven’t really been going out on my own much.

The thing is, I always keep forgetting to take a wheat bag there for when I’m either sore or cold and need warming up. When Rob’s there with me this isn’t a big deal because we have hot water bottles. However me filling one of those up with no one around to help  me would not be a good idea.

It’s a two-handed job and my left hand wouldn’t cope well with trying to hold the hot water bottle steady while I poured the boiling water in. Plus, I’m not strong at all, but my left hand is much weaker than my right and sometimes I even struggle to carry a thick-ish book with it, so I would probably drop the hot water bottle in the process too.

As I’m never usually anywhere without a trusty wheat bag, I started to realise just how much I miss them when I don’t have them.

I really must remember to buy one to keep there.

 

 

A letter to my bed

Dear Bed,

First of all I want to start this letter with an apology for all the times I snubbed you as a child and teenager, back when I used to think that sleep and going to bed was just something that kept me away from all the other things I was supposed to be doing. I never understood how people could sleep for 12 hours-straight.

Oh, how things have changed, especially over the last three years.

You see, I’ve gone from being that person I described above to being a person who loves her bed, and not just for the sleep either, even if six-hours a night became eight, then nine, and sometimes 12. Sometimes there are naps, too. Some of them I crave, others happen by accident. Sometimes I crawl into you with no intention of sleeping. Sometimes I just want the comfort of your sheets.

It is you I turn to on the days when the world feels hazy and hard and I want to put things on pause for a while. You are the vantage point that helps life seem manageable on days when I feel sadder than I can explain, or so anxious that moving requires more physical and mental energy than I can muster because my worries sap it all up.

I have done some of my best writing with you. I have done some of my worst writing with you.

I judge myself so very hard for the amount of time I spend in you now, and I don’t doubt that some others will too. I just wanted to say that I appreciate you now so much more than I ever thought I would.

Thank you for always being there for me.

Love,

Nic

Snow makes me sad

It was snowing when I woke up this morning. Thankfully, I’d already had a bit of a warning because my friend had txt me. I think we all know by now how I feel about snow. It’s hard for me to get around in, even if there’s only a little bit on the ground. Cold makes my muscles tighter and I have more bad Cerebral Palsy days. I don’t like it. Nope.

It was coming down pretty hard when I woke up, but it wasn’t really sticking at least. There wasn’t much natural light in my house, and there still isn’t really. I’m just demotivated to do anything.

I’m still really tired too, but hopefully I’ll manage to get myself going soon and have a productive day.

Too warm and too achy

For the first time in a long time I actually found myself in a situation where I was too wnarm to sleep. This never happens me. I have poor circulation and I am always, always, always, cold.

I crave heat constantly, and when we do actually get some sun in the UK and the rest of the population seems to go into meltdown and starts complaining that it’s too hot, my mood gets a massive boost. It’s a rare day that I feel too warm, so when I do, it must be warm.

Continue reading “Too warm and too achy” →

Back into a routine

I can’t believe it’s been a week since I last updated this blog! I feel like all the posts on here lately have been about pain and bad cerebral palsy days and my anxiety and low mood. I think it’s important for me to talk about all that stuff, but it’s nice to be able to have something more positive to tell you too.

With all of these other things going on lately I sort of fell out of the routine of writing and job hunting and spent a lot more time than I would care to admit binge-watching Netflix and drinking way more tea than normal. It was nice to take it easy, but as someone who judges how good her day has been based on her productivity levels (I know, I know), it didn’t make me as happy as you might think.

It took me a while, but I think the bad CP days are gone for now, I’ve started being able to sleep again (and at a slightly better time than 2am, too!) and most excitingly of all I’ve got myself back into the swing of writing and editing. I feel like I’m making progress on my main project.

I made a YouTube video earlier this week about the aftermath of a fall in which I banged my hips and my already bad hip. I expected it to have quite a big impact on me for a few days, but it wasn’t all that bad. Yay!